10 Commandments of Hosting a Home Game

On the Hardcore Poker Show, we talk a lot about professional poker players and big tournaments. One topic we have wanted to discuss for a while, is home games.

We have all attended home games (good and bad). They can be a lot of fun, especially when it becomes a regular game you can look forward too.

I have hosted and been to about a million home games and have come up with a list of 10 commandments to hosting a home game. Feel free to use them at your next game free of charge!!

First commandment

Thou Shall have adequate supplies

There is nothing worse than going to someone’s house to play poker and you are given plastic poker chips, and cards that they bought 10 years ago in college. If you plan on hosting a regular game, invest a few bucks in the following…

• A good set of chips. They are dirt cheap right now and can make or break a game
• A good deck of cards. Bicycle cards last about 10 hands before they start to split and crease. Go online and order a couple decks of KEM Arrows. They are a bit expensive but last for a LONG time.
• A quality timer. Don’t replay on the guy who says “blinds go up every 15 minutes….I will keep track on my watch” . Next thing you know, 10 extra minutes have been added to level III
• If a table is out of your budget, invest in a good table top, they are pretty cheap and are far better than your kitchen table!

Second Commandment

Thou Shall have snacks

Sorry to break this to you, but if you are hosting a game, you are responsible for the snacks. Nothing special (don’t thaw out your t-bone steaks in the freezer). Some chips will do.

Third Commandment

Thou Shall have “some” drinks.

I put emphasis on the word “some”. It is not your job to get your 9 friends drunk. Have some drinks for your non-alcoholic drinking friends, and enough for 1-2 beers apiece. If your buddies want to get hammered, they can bring their own beer!

Fourth Commandment

If Yee has an annoying significant other, Thou shall send her to a movie with friends

This is one that I am sure we have all experienced. Its Georges turn to act, and you hear his wife call him from upstairs. George goes upstairs to get scolded about the noise (or not doing the dishes), and the tournament is on hold for at least 15 minutes. See if she wants to go to a movie with Friends. By the way, I just wanted to state for the record that I love my girlfriend very much (she reads these blogs!)

Fifth Commandment

Thou shall have chairs that are all on an equal height

Although its funny to see some poor guy sitting on a stool and his chin is at table level, get 10 chairs that are all the same height. An ottoman is not a chair!

Sixth Commandment

Thou Shall rule the game fairly with an iron fist

Like it or not, as the games host, you must act as the pit boss. Sure games and some rules can be voted on, but rule interpretations are done by yours truly. Unless of course YOU are involved in the hand, then its up to the rest of the table.

Seventh Commandment

Thou shall have alternate entertainment.

There is nothing worse than a couple of guys who get bumped from a tournament very early and are sitting around doing nothing. Give them something to do, some examples

• A second set of chips and cards so they can play a quick heads up matchup (by the way, the second set of chips and cards don’t need to be top notch….lets not forget that they LOST!)
• Wii Bowling is awesome!
• You can’t go wrong with throwing a sporting event on the TV
• If you have a computer near by, fire it up to an online poker site

Eighth Commandment

Thou Shall allow the table to decide the stakes

While you are the pit boss, this one should be put to a vote. When you are playing with your friends, everyone is there to have a good time. If someone brought $100 for the night, there is no point to start with a $75 tournament. Find a good number that everyone can afford; it will make the game a lot more fun.

Ninth Commandment

Thou shall encourage friendly ribbing

When you are in a casino and you take a huge pot off someone, etiquette dictates that you simply take the pot and keep your mouth shut. NOT at a home game. If you take a huge pot off a friend…laugh in his face. If you have people at the table who don’t know eachother, let everyone know that it is a fun game, and some fun ribbing is encouraged.

Tenth Commandment

Thou Shall write in your commandment

As always I will put the best one here…poker@hardcoresportsradio.com

With all the talk surrounding the “November 9” I couldn’t help but wonder how much more interesting it would be if just ONE well known pro made it to the final table.

Mike Matusow was close, so was Phil Hellmuth, and trust me, I would be looking forward to the final table a lot more if one of those two players were participating.

Then I got to thinking about my “Dream Table”. The obvious names popped in my head (Matusow, Hellmuth, Ivey) ..and I got bored really quick.

How could I make it more interesting??

What if I eliminated poker players?

And what if I eliminated stupid rules like if they are alive or not?

What about movie?? No we are getting somewhere!!!!

So I came up with my “Dream Table” that I would love to play at.

Remember…all rules are out the window!!

Seat #1 John Lennon

Why?

Well, I am a HUGE Beatles fan and I have had the pleasure of actually meeting Paul McCartney, so Imagine sitting across from the other half of the greatest song writing duo ever.

What to watch out for

1) Yoko Ono! She would definitely be on the rail…trying to influence his play, force him to do things he didn’t want to do, and pretty much screwing up his life in general!

2) Mark David Chapman

How I would play him

Very aggressively. He doesn’t like confrontations…after all…he always wanted to “give Peace a chance”

Seat #2 Bill Cosby

Why?

Have you ever sat at a poker table and no one says a thing? And even when someone does finally crack a joke, everyone looks at him as if to say “we do not make jokes at the poker table” Well if Bill was at the table, that would NEVER happen! Every table needs comedic relief, and there is no one funnier that Bill!

What to watch out for

1) Jello stains on the poker table

How I would play him

You don’t need the nuts to beat Bill. You can make marginal calls because he is more worried about making people laugh than playing good cards

Seat #3 Rocky Balboa

Why?

Because he’s Rocky Balboa! If everyone had Rocky’s desire and passion, the world would be a better place.

What to watch out for

1) Andrian. No doubt the most annoying character in movie history. She would be on the rail saying things like “you can’t win”

2) Rocky has taken a few punches to the head over the span of 6 movies…its safe to say that he isn’t the brightest fellow at the table. Putting him on a hand would be next to impossible.

How I would play him

If we made it to heads up I would NOT try and go the distance with him. He Went 15 with Apollo Creed and knocked out Ivan Drago in the 15^th round. I would want to end it quick.

Seat #4 The most interesting Man in the World (The dude in the Dos Equis commercials)

Why?

Because he is the most interesting man in the world. This guy would keep you entertained during some of the slow periods with the many adventures he and his beard have been on.

What to watch out for

1) His catch phrase is “stay thirsty my friends”, so he would be ordering us drinks non stop. His alcohol tolerance is the highest of all time, he would get us pissed drunk and take all of out money

2) cards hidden in his beard

How I would play him

Don’t try and bluff him. He doesn’t get phased. Wait for good cards and play back at him.

Seat #5 Jesus Christ

Why

Ok, I had to put him in seat number 5 (think last supper!).

What to watch out for

1) You’ve heard of a miracle river card??? Imagine how many 1 outers he would hit. The guy could turn water into wine for crying out loud.

2) Remember when he turned 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish into enough to feed like 5000 people…..what if he did that with his chips????

How I would play Him

Stay the hell out of his way….bad choice of words.

Seat #6 Jessica Alba

Why

Click http://thetrawbros.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/jessica-alba-bikini-07.jpg

What to watch out for

1) She is as hot as they come, and if she batted her eyes hard enough, I may throw away the nuts!

How I would play her

Watch her VERY closely for tells. They are not just in the face. Watch her entire body for tells

Seat #7 Me

Why

Cause Jessica is in Seat 6

What to watch out for

1) Jessica asking me to stop staring at her

Seat #8 Michael Corleone

Why

Because each bet he makes would literally be and offer you couldn’t refuse.

What to watch out for

1) horses heads, kisses (“I know it was you Fredo”) , and Kay (annoying railbird #3 next to Yoko and Adrean)

How I would play him

Do not try and trap him. That’s what Carlo tried to do and we all know what happened to him.

Seat #9 Satellite winner!

I’m leaving this one open. Respond with some ideas, and I will add the best one!

So many times in my life, my non-poker playing friends have asked me about “poker-lingo”. They tell me that when they watch poker on TV, watch people play it at a home game, they can’t understand what people are saying! Check, Raise, Smooth-Call, Under the Gun, Cut off, Min Raise, Belly buster, and of course The Nuts….sometimes I do believe you need a degree to speak poker!

But if you pick up any poker book at your local book store, you will find the definitions to those words (and thousands more!) in the glossary.

The Hardcore poker dictionary deals with things you hear at the table that don’t have a specific definition. They need interpretation, decoding, and they need to be run through the bull shit filter.

What is Said: “Nice Hand”

What it really means: “you could not have played that that last hand any worse. Why are you even playing this game? Did you not recognize what my bet on the turn meant?? You called me with your inside straight, hit your miracle card on the river, and now you have MY chips. I wish I could inflict physical harm on you for making such an idiotic call.”

Conclusion: If someone says this to you, do not say “thanks”….he is NOT complimenting you!

-

What is Said: “One time”

What it really means: “please for the love of God let one of my outs hit. Please for the love of God let one of my outs hit. Please for the love of God let one of my outs hit”

Conclusion: People usually say this 5 hands after they DID have one of their cards hit. They say “one time” as if they have NEVER got the card they wanted in all of their poker playing days. SHUT UP

-

What is Said: “Sorry”

What it really means: “Thank you God for letting me hit my two outer on the river. I was down to a miracle and now I have chips. So many Chips! Glorious chips! I love winning!”

Conclusion: If you take anything from this blog, make it be this….NEVER say sorry at the table (ok , if you spill you drink on the person sitting next to you, then MAYBE its acceptable) . Lets face it, you are NOT sorry. Poker is about winning chips, mission accomplished! Trust me, you will be on the receiving end of some TERRIBLE beats in your poker career, it goes both ways. To claim that you actually feel bad about winning is ridiculous.

-

What is said “ Fine, lets play heads up then” (also has been heard as “I will make you a bet I last longer that you in this tournament. )

What it really means: I just got humiliated in a hand and now need to prove to everyone at the table (and sometimes to people AROUND his table) that I am a “good” poker player.

Conclusion: you see this all the time at the early stages of a tournament. One player will scold another for a play he made, then feel the need to challenge him/her to a heads up match. What’s next?? A slap across the face with a white glove???

-

What is said: “rigged” (this one pertains to online poker)

What it really means: I played that hand perfectly, so there HAS to be some magical reason why I lost. There is no other possible reason that I did not win the hand. It HAS to be that the internet poker room I am playing on is rigged.

Conclusion: Shut up!!! Its simple numbers folks. You see way more hands online, so you will see WAY more Bad beats. Suck it up.

-

What is said: “Good Luck”

What it really means: I truly believe I am far and away the best player here, so I should probably be nice to these people before I take all of their money. These people can’t even hold my card protector”

Conclusion: No explanation needed!

-

What is said: “That’s not poker”

What it really means: “I know the “right” way to play poker, and you have no idea. What you just did is so far off of the “proper” way to play this game. Infact, it’s so off….that you are playing a completely different game!!!”

Conclusion: This one makes me laugh. If its not poker than what the hell is it????? What game are you playing?

-

What is said: “I folded XX”

What it really means: What ever hand I just said I folded….my actual hand was WAY WORSE!

Conclusion: Never believe what people tell you at the table. If they were so eager to tell you what they had, why didn’t they just show you??? They are looking to save face. Huge Bull shit!

Got any more??? Write us at poker@hardcoresportsradio.com in the above format. I will add them as they come.

Pizzo

Anyone who has listens to the Hardcore Poker Show has no doubt heard Chris make reference to “Happy Rob, Sad Rob”, better known as HRSR. It sounds simple enough doesn’t it? Happy Rob is happy, while sad Rob is Sad. Well it isn’t that simple. HRSR is something that doesn’t happen very often. Infact, there is pretty much only one place in the world where the phenomenon occurs, you guessed it, LAS VEGAS!

Chris and I have been to Vegas together on three separate occasions and he noticed that when we were gambling, I would either be Happy Rob or Sad Rob. Happy Rob is talkative, has a big smile on his face, and laughs uncontrollably. Sad Rob is quiet, the smile is gone, and he says the word “why me” a lot.

But anyone who has spent any amount of time with me knows that I like to partake in MANY forms of gambling, and have never seen HRSR….why does Vegas bring out the beast????

Three reasons why…..

1) Vegas Sucks when you are broke!

2) Vegas Sucks even more when you are broke, and your friends have money!

3) And Vegas is absolutely unbearable when you are experiencing bad luck, while your friends luck is sky high!

Don’t get me wrong, when I go to Vegas, the LAST thing I want to do is have me AND my friends lose our money. I’m just saying that when your bankroll is cleaned out, and your buddies are hitting 21 at the BJ table, or rolling point after point at the craps table….Vegas….well….SUCKS !

Ha

When you are home, if you are losing, you simply move on with your life.

You go to Work.

Watch TV.

Spend time with your significant other.

When you are in Vegas, you simply have the pleasure of WATCHING your friends win!

Now you are probably thinking one of two things

1) You don’t NEED to gamble in Vegas! you can go to a show, walk the strip etc

2) I thought you guys always preach about “no bad beat stories”, that’s what this blog sounds like to me

Here are my responses

1) Gamblers love action. While the water show at the Bellagio is very nice to see, it doesn’t quite cut it

2) Shut up, it’s MY Blog!

Still confused about HRSR? Here are some examples from our recent trips to Sin City

Happy Rob- Playing 3 Card poker for the first time and winning a bunch of cash.

Sad Rob- Playing 3 Card poker for the second time and losing it back….and some more on top of that!

Happy Rob- Winning a huge flop prop bet over Tessaro (beating Tessaro can bring out the rare SUPER Happy Rob)

Sad Rob- Heading all the way to Freemont Street to play some cheap Craps…only to drop my roll in like 15 minutes

Happy Rob- Having the horse Chris and I bet on…ACTAULLY win…during the show!

Sad Rob- Having My KK run smack into the AA of Chris Tessaro, tournament DONE!

Having My KK run smack into some chicks AA in the next tournament.

Having My KK lose an all in against some donkey’s A-10 (are we spotting a pattern here??)

I hope this clears up any confusion about HRSR, don’t be surprised if it makes its way into Medical books everywhere!

Anytime we have a big time poker player on the show, the question we always love to ask is …“got any good prop bets on the go?” .

Amarillo Slim Preston is the greatest prop bettor of all time, and I think he put it perfectly…

“If there is anything worth arguing about, either bet it, or shut up” and I couldn’t agree more!

Here are the top 5 reasons why I love prop bets

5- The Action

Plain and simple, gamblers love action. It makes you feel alive. Imagine watching a horse race just to watch them run around the track…where is the fun in that? But once you put a few bucks on it, you get that feeling in your gut.

4- Competition

Winning is one of the best feelings in the world, but beating someone you know (ie friend/family) is almost twice as sweet. If I made a prop bet with a stranger on the street and won, I would feel ok….but when I beat Tessaro, my smile is ear to ear.

3- Motivation

Want to lose weight? Quit smoking? Get into shape? Then make a bet with a friend. There is no bigger motivation in the world than beating a friend in a prop bet. Check out Mike Matasow, he lost a ton of weight for a prop bet. Same goes for Huck Seed. Do you think those guys are losing the weight to be healthy and live longer?????? NO CHANCE!!

2- Proving People Wrong

Do you ever hear those stories about some one-legged blind dude who climbed Mount Everest just because someone told him couldn’t?? I always wonder why they didn’t BET it! Like Slim said….if its worth arguing, bet it or shut up. If I KNOW I can accomplish something, and someone thinks I can’t, not only do I want to prove him/her wrong…I want to profit along the way!

1- Outsmarting people

Making a prop bet is not just about winning, its about getting the best of it. If the odds are not on your side, then you are simply a sucker. That’s why its always good to be the one proposing the prop bet instead of accepting it (another piece of advice from good ole slim!) Always know all the angles and ways you can exploit them. Remember a while back when I made the bet with Tessaro that I could not sit down for one week?

Everyone assumed that meant that I would have to stand up the whole time…WRONG! No one said I could kneel or lay down! I had pillows on the floor to kneel on and I laid down to rest as often as I could. Look for all the angles!

Some other important points about Prop Bets

1) Honor among gamblers

Remember to always be honest, if you do, you will be able to sleep at night. Do you know how many times during the “no sit down” bet people said to me “Chris isn’t around, have a seat” No way! Also, If people think you are dishonest , you will NEVER get any action!

2) Prop bets don’t always mean betting MONEY

If you listen to the Hardcore Poker Show on a regular basis, Chris and I rarely make a prop bet involving actual cash. We try and humiliate each other. I had to sing “O Canada” in a room of 150 people. Chris had to do the show in his underwear! Embarrassing your friends can sometime be sweeter than bills!

3) NEVER…and I mean NEVER welch

If you make a bet and lose…pay up. Whether its cash or some embarrassing stunt…DO IT. Welching is the absolute worst thing you could ever do. Even if you found out that the person you made a bet with cheated, pay the bet and look for another angle to get back at him. Also, everyone thinks that welching means not paying the bet …I also put Delayed payment into that mix as well. There is nothing worse than waiting 2 months for a friend to either pay you the cash he owes, or do his embarrassing stunt. PAY UP PEOPLE!

We are less than a week from the Hardcore Poker Show’s second trip to Vegas and believe it or not, I am more excited than the first trip!
Chris and I are heading to Sin City for the World Series of Poker, and will be broadcasting shows from Wynn Las Vegas (right in the poker room).

I love the WSOP. Thousands and thousands of people competing for a little piece of jewelry (and the millions of dollars that come with it!). Now a major topic of controversy this year is the decision to move the final table of the main event to November. Now I gave my opinion on the move on the show, but wanted to wait a bit before writing about it on the site. You see when decisions like this are made; everyone jumps out with their knee-jerk reactions.I’m sure you have heard the “I love it” and “I hate it” arguments. I will admit that I was part of the “I hate it” group….still am infact….but I realized that hate was a strong word.

Here are some of the reasons why I don’t like the idea:

The 9 people who make the final table, will NOT be the same 9 people who show u in November

You better believe that if I was lucky enough to make the final table of the main event and had over 3 months to prepare, I would definitely be getting a tutor…a VERY good tutor.

“Hello is this Daniel Negreanu? I have a proposition for you Mr. Negreanu (pause)…no no no this has nothing to do with Chris Tessaro, I wanted to know if you could train me for 3 months for a piece of my eventually winnings”

“I am so SICK of talking about this final table!”

Trust me on this one, you will say and hear this line many times in those three months. I understand that TV is what made poker is big as it is today, and that what makes poker so interesting is not the cards, it’s the people…BUT…think of this. You know that 2 weeks between the NFC and AFC championship games and the Super Bowl?

The time when we find out that the back up linebacker’s mom once worked at the Wallmart and saved up her extra money to buy her boy his first football…and he went on to play on the practice squad of the Super bowl underdog team…and he know has a picture of her in his locker because she died of a freak shopping cart accident. Those are the stories the media dig up because 2 weeks is TOO LONG to talk about one event. Imagine what 3 months will do!

It’s just not what a poker tournament is about

I will be the first to tell you that I do NOT believe that poker is a “sport”, but I do believe it takes a lot of physical toughness to win a major tournament. How many times have you watched a final table on TV and saw your favorite player make a terrible mistake and you try and figure out why he made that mistake? ANSWER: he has been playing 12 hours a day for days on end! The strongest poker players (mentally AND physically) will succeed in the end. Therefore, someone could be “saved by the bell”

Now earlier I mentioned that I have gone from “hating” the move to…well…lets say I now “dislike” it. What is the reason for my change of heart? Something I heard Daniel Negreanu say on his video blog (for the record, Daniel likes the move). Daniel said, if it doesn’t work, change it back, nothing is written in stone!

You are correct Mr. Negreanu. Many changes seemed very stupid in the past and were great successes and if this is one of those times, I will admit that I was wrong. But not in front of Tessaro, I HATE it when he is right!